Seek

I seek to fill this void deep inside me, that space that can’t be seen. An empty space which I try to fill as putting water into a bucket with a hole in it. I put the things I seek here in this space, but it remains empty. I fill the space as a starving child, but no amount of food can feed me. Everything I seek is as empty as the space I try to fill. I seek love as it slips from me. Like the water in the bucket I receive it as it passes through the bucket to fill others buckets. To hold on to something that can’t be held is painful. Pain that seems to be the only thing that likes to occupy that space that soon becomes me. To know the pain is to let it go until it visits again. The void so easily filled with pain becomes my desire. It fills my void and turns to hate and then turn to God for Justice, but God is empty and not able to fill such a void, but hope keeps God there with pain, hate and anger for Justice. I seek for the Love and Justice of a God, and Savior though hope that is empty, and has to be forced into that empty space just to be as empty as the space it occupies. Then to wake up to this emptiness and see my pain as empty as God, and it all doesn’t mean anything liberated me from my needs and wants. I didn’t need God to be happy, and pain became a friend who could teach me. Things are as they are. I love my life more now then I ever have. I ask only from others of which I give them. Respect for their belief in God, for I once walked that path. I believe in the human sprite, and I guess you could call that God, but its not the same God you believe in. I don’t believe in a place called Hell, only the hell we create for ourselves. I don’t believe in a creator. I do believe we are all brothers and sisters. The only thing religion brought me was pain and self loathing. I do practice Zen Buddhism which some may call a religion, but I practice as a philosophy. May you find you are, and have all you have ever needed.

"Why fight Religion"